The rum industry, known for its blend of tradition and bold innovation, occasionally finds itself reflecting the delightfully strange obsessions of its patrons. This week’s *Cheers & Jeers* offers a bizarre window into just that, courtesy of a single individual’s increasingly ambitious – and frankly, unsettling – New Year’s resolutions.
According to a recent report circulating amongst industry circles, the man – let’s call him Mr. Silas Blackwood – has set himself a series of objectives that would test the patience of even the most seasoned rum distiller. These include, but aren’t limited to, training squirrels to parachute into the White House, participating in a Nobel Peace Prize competition utilizing knuckle-to-knuckle combat, and a prolonged, somewhat misguided, campaign to officially rename Portland, Maine.
Blackwood’s resolutions also involve a complex meditation mantra and a noticeable – and currently unexplained – fascination with ivermectin. While the specifics are undeniably entertaining, the underlying question is: what do these resolutions represent?
“It’s a perfect microcosm of anxieties bubbling beneath the surface,” explains renowned rum critic, Beatrice Moreau. “People crave control, yearn for recognition, and sometimes, let’s be honest, simply want to disrupt the status quo. Blackwood’s attempts, however outlandish, highlight a deeper sense of frustration and a willingness to push boundaries, even if those boundaries are wildly impractical.”
Several distilleries have reportedly capitalized on the story, releasing limited-edition rums with names referencing Blackwood’s aspirations – ‘The Parachute’ and ‘The Combat Barrel,’ for example. The trend is being viewed as a clever way to engage with a wider audience and inject a dose of humor into a traditionally serious industry.
As always, the story concludes with a reminder: ‘The Last Call.’
